Category: Entertainment

CHOP CHOP PALAVER

*DIFFERENT GRADES OF CHOPPING IN GOVERNMENT.* ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ
_* When U chop alone in government and no one chop with U, dem dey call that one *OBJ.*_
_* When U chop in government, come allow others to chop their own, that is called *IBB.*_
_* When U chop in government, come bring democracy and people come forget say U chop, that is called *Abdusallam.*_
_* When U chop in government and the place U are choping eventually fold up, that is called *Atiku.*_
_* When U dey chop in government, U no remember your driver, secretary, office assistants, that is called *Gowon.*_
_* When U dey chop alone in government, no remember anybody, so tay dem come drive U comot, that one is called *Shonekan.*_
_* When dem just appoint U for government position, and U just chop small, auditors kon come say bring all papers, that is called *Nwodo.*_
_* When U chop in government and U die while chopping, that is called *Abacha.*_
_* When U chop and drink in government so tey U come intoxicate, and others come dey do U wayo, dey chop their own join, that is called *Goodluck Jonathan.*_
_* When U over-chop in government and U call your friends to come chop their own, that is called *Ibori.*_
_* When U chop and clean mouth like say U no chop anything, that is called *Fashola.*_
_* When U chop in government, come dey abuse people wey give U opportunity to chop, that one is called *El-Rufai.*_
_* When U chop from government, come spread your boys for government, dem dey chop U dey chop, dem dey chop U dey chop, that one is called *Tinubu.*_
_* When U chop in government so teeey U scatter ground, three houses for America, two for London, six for Maitama, seven for V.I, as madam dey go shopping for Dubai, children dey go summer for Spain, EFCC kon gbab U, that one is called *Diezani.*_
_* When U chop well well for government and people know say U chop well well but U dey deny say U chop well well, that one is called Rotimi *Amaechi.*_
_* When U chop in government so tay U come even dey richer than the place U dey chop from, that one is called *Rochas.*_
_* When U chop and chop so tey U come tire, come begin dey distribute the chopping to other people, that one is called  *Dasuki.*_
_* When  U see  government money and refuse to chop and refuse to allow make people chop, so tay hunger come dey wire dem, an your main men come deh chop deh blame “rats and cockroaches and spirits”that one is called *Buhari.*_

Entertainmentย 

A newly married couple was walking through a garden, suddenly a dog ran towards them.
They both knew it will bite them…
The husband lifted his wife to let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart.
The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do, barked a little while & ran away.
The husband put his wife down, expecting a hug & a few kind words of gratitude from her.
But his wife shouted “I’ve seen people throwing stones & sticks at dogs, this is the first time I am seeing someone trying to throw his wife at a dog”
Moral : A Wife is a Wife 
“No One ELSE Can MIS-UNDERSTAND a Husband Better, than a Wife.”
Husband it is well. Take heart it is part of the challenges of being a husband.๐Ÿค“

THE BEST CAR

The best car in the world is a woman… Ask me why
—2 beautiful headlights in the front

—2 great bumpers at the back.

—Self -lubricating when hot.

—Finger touch ignition.

—Automatic engine oil change every month. 

—Any type of piston fits. 

—Multiple seating styles & adjustments.

—Great accessories.

—Highest mileage 9months with just 5ml refill.
“That’s why MEN are dying to own one”: please send to the other luxurious cars u know, and to the men who appreciate fine vehicles. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

RICHER OR POORER

Which ONE ARE YOU..

LARRY or HARRY?
Larry and Harry, two homeless men were given a chance to travel to a third world country on an all-expenses paid trip. They were told to carry nothing and return with nothing…
They were to make sure they spend all that was given to them. Provision had been made for their expenses and welfare which they would get upon arrival at their destination. 

The only caveat was that neither of them knew when they would be asked to return home. 
As they arrived, they were both given a huge sum of money and a credit card with no limits, but reminded to spend it all before returning to their home country. At this, they became instantly wealthy by local standards.
 Harry thought to himself “Wow!

This is my opportunity to live like a king for I don’t know how long this would last”. So he went and rented a Ferrari and rented the best room in the best hotel in town. 
He went to the best stylist, shaved and transformed his looks. He had parties everyday. Everyone in the city thought the cars and the wealth were his and they loved and respected him for it. 
But..
At the back of his mind, Harry knew he would go back home someday and leave all of it behind but he didn’t want to think about it.
Right now he was living in the moment and enjoying himself to the fullest…
Larry, on the other hand rented a small Honda to get him around town and stayed in a modest inn. He thought to himself “This money will not last and I don’t know when I am going back so I have to do something tangible with it.” He decided to use it to change some people’s lives while there was still time.
So he got busy, went out on the streets and started making a difference. He didn’t just give away money, rather he tried to help

people be self-sufficient. He paid off all the school fees of some promising young ones to enable them get an education and take

care of themselves and their families. 
He found some responsible adults and funded them in a business that guaranteed they would be able to take care of their family and create employment. He devised a means of helping some of the homeless people get off the street and getting them into a trade for he thought “I wish someone would do this for me when I get back”. In short, while Larry was there, he was busy changing lives…

Then after just two months they were suddenly notified that it was time to go back.

They hadn’t even finished spending all the money but still had to leave it all. 

They both said their goodbyes and headed for the airport. At the airport they were given their original clothes to put back on before boarding the plane back to their country…
Harry reminisced on the good times he had but wasn’t too happy that he was going back to his old life. How would he readjust to being homeless? 
Larry on the other hand felt good. He came with nothing and is leaving with nothing, but he at least helped others with a chance at life and that alone meant the world to him.

Readjusting to being a homeless person wouldn’t be a problem because he never lived like the wealth was his anyway and always had it at the back of his mind that he would leave it all someday.
But…

Little did they know that each moment they spent on vacation was being secretly recorded and they would be rewarded accordingly.
Now, which one do you think would be cast back out to the slums as a homeless person and which one would be entrusted with large sums of wealth and position of authority?

 The same goes with our lives here on earth. 
We are sent here on a mission and will return empty handed except for the recordings of our dealings here on earth. Yet, many of us walk around thinking that the wealth we have is ours to keep forever. We look at ourselves in the mirror and think that what we see will always be there, forgetting that we are wearing a temporary cloth, a human body, that would be required of us before we leave this world. 
Our vacation on earth is but a short time while eternity is forever. How we spend this vacation determines how we get to spend eternity.
So….
HOW ARE YOU LIVING YOUR LIFE?

ARE YOU LARRY OR HARRY?
Think about itโ€ผโ€ผโ€ผ

ENTERTAINMENTย 

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚I cant stop laughing, I just love these kids…
*Teacher:* How old is your father?

*Kid:* He is 6 years.

*Teacher:* What? How is this possible?

*Kid:* He became father only when I was born.

Logic!!๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ˜ณ
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Children Are Quick and Always Speak Their Minds

_______________________________

*TEACHER:*   Joseph, go to the map and find North America . 

*JOSEPH:*        Here it is. 

*TEACHER:*  Correct.  Now class, who discovered America ? 

*CLASS:* Joseph.๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป
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*TEACHER:*   Wale, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 

*WALE:*  You told me to do it without using the tables.

๐Ÿ—„๐Ÿ“๐Ÿ“•๐Ÿ“˜๐Ÿ““_____________________________

*TEACHER:*  Adigun , how do you spell ‘crocodile?’ 

*ADIGUN:*     K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’ 

*TEACHER:*  No, that’s wrong 

*ADIGUN:*      Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.   

(I  Love this child) ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ

____________________________

*TEACHER:*  Rebecca , what is the chemical formula for water? 

*REBECCA :*   H I J K L M N O. 

*TEACHER:* What are you talking about? 

*REBECCA:*  Yesterday you said it’s H to O.   ๏ฟฝโ€โ™€๏ฟฝโ€โ™‚

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*TEACHER:* Moses, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago. 

*MOSES:*      Me! ๐Ÿ™‹โ€โ™‚

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*TEACHER:*   Abraham, why do you always get so dirty?         

*ABRAHAM:*       Well, I’m a  lot closer to the ground than you are.    ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ  

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*TEACHER:* George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Peter , do you know why his father didn’t punish him? 

*PETER:*          Because George still had  the axe in his hand……     ๐Ÿ”จ๐Ÿ”จ

______________________________ 

*TEACHER:*      Buwembo, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s.. Did you copy his? 

*BUWEMBO :*      No sir, It’s the same dog.   ๐Ÿ•๐Ÿ•

(I want to adopt this kid!!!) 

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*TEACHER:*    Femi, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? 

*FEMI:*     A teacher ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ‘บ

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_PASS  IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH! LAUGHTER  IS THE SOUL’S MEDICINE!!_

๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜‚๏ฟฝ๐Ÿ˜๏ฟฝ

DOUBLE STANDARDย 

“WHEN BLACK IS WHITE AND WHITE IS BLACK….
1. When a white Christian American or British uses a gun or bomb to kill people, they are labelled as mentally deranged gunmen or bombers!
2. When a black Christian American or British uses a gun or bomb to kill people, they are called gangsters!
3. When an Arab Muslim or African Muslim uses a gun or bomb to kill people, they are called terrorists!
4. In Nigeria, if terrorists from the Niger Delta use guns and bombs to destroy people and infrastructure, they are called militants! But if they are from northern Nigeria, they are called terrorists or insurgents!
5. In the same Nigeria, if Shekau wants to break up Nigeria and wants to “secede” a portion of it for his brand of Islamic nation, he is called a terrorist! But when a certain Nnamdi Kanu wants to also break up Nigeria, and wants to “secede” a portion of it for a so called Biafra Republic, he isn’t called a terrorist but an AGITATOR!
Okay, just in case you don’t understand my gist, I mean to say that some people prefer to call rapists as sex abusers just to make them look less bad!”

PEOTIC JUSTICE

  • Combinations

* Look at combinations of Knowledge observe its impact: *
1 – ignorance + poverty = criminality
2 – ignorance + wealth = Corruption
3. Ignorance + Freedom = Chaos
4- Ignorance + Power = Tyranny
5 – Ignorance + Religion = Terrorism
* NOW, Replace the place of ignorance with knowledge and see what happens
1- Knowledge + Poverty = Contentment
2 – Knowledge + Wealth = Creativity
3 – Knowledge + Freedom = Happiness
4- Knowledge + Power = Justice
5- Knowledge + Religion = Integrity